My girlfriend wants me to meet her ex
This is a common question for newly separated or divorced parents. As noted in a previous post, watching parents treat each other with disrespect and lack of affection harms kids even more than having to shuffle between two homes. Everyone is different with regard to dating readiness. Some people will wait for months, some for years. Make use of this found time alone when you do not have the kids.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Hey Steve: Staying Friends with the Exes
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Am I Cool with My Girlfriend Being Friends with Her EX?!!Content:
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FAQ on Coronavirus and Mefi : check before posting, cite sources; how to block content by tags. Exes and D'ohs. So what? We were going to a bar to meet some friends. It was expected that he'd be there too. We got there and the table was full. She started catching up with him, at which point the two other friends that came in with us went and found somewhere else to sit. My girlfriend wanted to introduce us but apparently I left for the other table before she had the chance.
I told her that's okay, I wasn't too excited about meeting him anyway. I tried to leave it at that. She says we'd probably like one another. That might be true. I've got nothing personal against this guy, still I feel like I don't want to meet him. Why should I? It might be relevant that she left him to be with me last June. I suspect you are being tested for your reaction. I just don't think it's normal for someone to desire their currents and exes to be pals.
Unless you are misremembering the speed with which you left the table? She's pushing your buttons. Don't play into it. Be courteous, and that's it. If she keeps pulling this sort of crap tell her you don't appreciate her using either of you as leverage against the other one. A larger social situation is fine, but if she keeps setting up small-group encounters for the two of you to meet it is typical manipulation.
You have your own friends, you enjoy their company, you are not obliged to play along. Gadget at PM on March 28, [ 6 favorites ]. I agree with Inspector. However, given that you were at the bar and he was there, it would have been nice to say hello briefly, then go hang out with your other friends.
My rule of thumb is to keep different relationships separate. I don't like thinking about my SO's past relationships, so I don't bring up my own previous relationships, and I certainly don't introduce my current girlfriend to any previous ones. That is a sure recipe for jealousy. Was he a big part of her life?
Is he still part of her life? She probably just wants to share that part of herself with you. If your relationship is serious, and their relationship was serious, I don't think it is at all unreasonable for her to wonder what you'd think of each other. Her comment about you probably liking one another is sort of irrelevant; I doubt she actually WANTS you two to be friends. Would you want her to be friends with your ex?
She just wants him to know that she has moved on to dating a great guy, and she wants to hear from you that you at least mildly agree with her-- that the ex was an OK guy. If she actually wants you two to be friends, that's weird.
But otherwise, I think you should act nice for one evening, make small talk with the guy, and forget about him. I agree with samthemander. Some people like to continue friendships with people they have broken up with. She probably just wants everybody to be okay with each other. Don't assume bad faith on her part. Also, your discomfort with meeting him suggests discomfort or insecurity about your relationship.
I think you should put on your big-boy pants and just treat it like meeting another of her acquaintances. Another possibility is that since she still moves in social circles that include him, she doesn't want things to get weird, and introducing you two means there is no-longer any tension for her about the unresolved social wildcard of a night out being complicated by X meeting Y.
An example, an ex of mine tried to introduce her new boyfriend to me, he didn't want to meet me. Soon, it was awkward if she wanted to be at a gathering where I would be, because she either had to ditch him, or get him to meet me as he avoided anything where I would be. In order to avoid the arguing that would ensue, she was soon contriving excuses to go out with people without him if I might be there, which he in turn decided was evidence that she was cheating on him with me, and it all got very sour.
You don't sound like that kind of insecure moron, but your girlfriend might still want you two to do the rites that allow you and him to coexist at social outings without her being stuck as the go-between. She might be trying to push your buttons, true. If she has tendencies toward being manipulative it's a definite possibility. But I agree with the opinion that she just wants everyone to get along.
Both of you are still part of her life, though to different extents, and she probably wants you both to decide for yourselves that this is okay. She's trying to extend an olive branch to you both and you're not taking it. You might not be thrilled to make his acquaintance, but it certainly doesn't sound like there's any concrete reason for you to hate him or feel threatened by him.
It's one thing to not want to go out of your way to meet someone, but if someone is already there, it's considered courteous for a person to introduce two people that she knows who do not know each other. If your girlfriend had acted differently, I can imagine the exact same situation creating a different AskMe: "I went out to dinner with my girlfriend, and her ex-boyfriend showed up.
She spent the night talking to him and never once tried to introduce us. What the hell? At least in your situation, it's all out in the open. If you don't want to hang out with the guy, that makes perfect sense. But c'mon, you gotta at least get introduced the next time that you are both at the same place at the same time. Otherwise you run the risk of becoming some weird paranoid guy. After you've been introduced you're under no obligation to become friends, acquaintances, or anything else.
If your girlfriend and the ex run in the same social circles it's inevitable that you two will be bumping into each other from time to time. She's probably hoping that she could introduce you and that you would at least be comfortable around each other when you bump into each other. I don't think she's trying to push your buttons or make him jealous.
I think she's just trying to be an adult about the situation and handle things up front and with maturity. My husband is friends with some of my exes and vice versa.
We're adults in a committed, stable relationship. I don't see what's so odd about being friendly with people that we both know and bump into from time to time. However, since you have absolutely no desire to meet him then you shouldn't feel that you are obligated to act overly friendly towards him. The best way for you to handle this is just meet him, be civil and then go about your business.
It was expected that he'd be there too So, he's apparently part of her shared circle of friends. This means you're probably going to be bumping into him again and it sounds like she's trying to keep the peace between everyone. I don't see what's so wrong about that and it certainly doesn't necessarily mean that she's "pushing your buttons.
Is this all she said? Or did she make a big scene and start a fight with you over it? If she tried to start an argument then I agree you might have an issue to deal with but if it was just, "I think you guys would like each other," and then everybody moved on I think you're being a little bit childish about the whole situation.
Just explain to her that you don't feel comfortable hanging out with guy and then let it go. If she refuses to respect your feelings, then maybe you should have a more serious talk about boundaries and manipulation. But examine your own insecurites first and make sure you're not making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. Agreed, this sounds like no big deal. Just be civil and move on. All you had to do was say "hi. Unwillingness to just say hello makes you antisocial at best, some sort of unpleasant at worst.
Why shouldn't you? Don't make drama where none need exist. She might interpret this as you saying that you're uncomfortable with a part of her life. In other words, this might be about her more that it's about him.
Jesus, I'm sorry, but she is being totally inconsiderate here. I would just explain it this way - "Well, see, that guy? He had his penis in your vagina. Me, I'm presently placing my penis in your vagina. That guy? I don't want to meet someone else and be friends with a guy who had his penis in your vagina. Maybe it's just me. Please respect that.
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A lot of women come with bad friends, a lot of women come with a job they don't like, but there's nothing more difficult for the male ego to deal with than a woman who comes with her ex as a best friend. For some reason or another, a lot of men can't fathom that another man was sexually intimate with their woman. And it's funny, too, because women are very aware of this. Our relationship didn't work out sexually at all, but we're still such really good friends.
Is Your Girlfriend Still Talking To Her Ex?
Should we stay in contact? It seems to me that your ex-girlfriend though is she really yet your ex if she keeps texting and being in touch with you? She breaks up with her ex and, presumably, feels great about it. The moment you go away, she gets more interested. She starts texting and calling. You do it to someone who you want to be in touch with. Someone, dare I say it, that you only appreciate by his absence.
Relationship Advice, When Your Girlfriend Wants to Hang Out with Her Ex-boyfriend
However, even the process of writing it might help me to get over my problem. I have been going out with a girl for a while now, and we love each other. I have had previous long-term partners. But this one feels different, and things are progressing quickly.
It's nice to pretend that every breakup is a clean break. The reality, of course, is often not the case. As anyone who's been through the ordeal can attest, it's an ordeal full of late-night texts, random crying sessions, and wandering wistful thoughts.
My Boyfriend Still Hangs With His Ex. What Should I Do?
So your boyfriend still hangs with his ex. Should you just stay cool, work on your fears and insecurities and keep these thoughts to yourself? Or should you be more open with him and start a conversation about it? So let me give you a male perspective.
My ex and I split up five years ago. We have a year-old daughter. Although the separation was difficult, we have always communicated in a friendly, positive manner, reached co-parenting decisions together, and rarely had any disagreements over raising our child. Eight months ago, my ex met someone new and I was happy for him. She has now begun to make demands on my ex in relation to our time together as a family. I have been very upset.
My ex’s girlfriend is threatening our amicable co-parenting
Q: I need some relationship advice. Am I wrong for being upset for my girlfriend wanting to spend the weekend with a friend and her ex-boyfriend? I have never met her ex. They were broken up before we started to date but I know she still has feeling for him. How do I approach the subject of being uneasy with her meeting him and her feelings for him?
Subscribe To Our Newsletter! However, if our girlfriend is still talking to her ex-boyfriend that is most likely going to brew up some trouble. This will give you the expert information you need to make sure you act sooner than later and avoid getting your heart broken. Nobody likes to go through that. In fact, she may even be confused herself about what she is thinking and feeling.
Tell Me About It: I hate that my girlfriend is friends with her ex-lovers
FAQ on Coronavirus and Mefi : check before posting, cite sources; how to block content by tags. Exes and D'ohs. So what? We were going to a bar to meet some friends.
How to React When You Run Into Her Ex-Boyfriend
It would be great if every new relationship started with neither of you having any baggage from previous relationships. Everyone, including you, has a past. If your new girlfriend still lives in the same general area as her ex-boyfriend or ex-husband, then you are most-likely going to run into him at times.
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