My girlfriend gets jealous over everything
Jealousy can pretty much be the worst, and I feel like there's no such thing as good jealousy or bad jealousy — if it's jealousy, it's not awesome. That being said, there are certain signs that your partner has unhealthy jealousy , and this type of jealousy can really corrode the very fabric of your relationship and make everything just totally suck in your daily life. You shouldn't be doing things to spark jealous feelings in your partner, and they should trust you enough that they shouldn't get upset if your phone dies and they don't know where you are, or if you spend the day with someone they don't know very well. But jealousy does happen, and unhealthy jealousy is a very real thing. I asked a gaggle of dating, love, and relationship experts how to tell if your partner has unhealthy jealousy , and they shared these very clear and present signs of such suspicious actions or behaviors, from being emotionally dependent to wanting you to act a certain way, that you can be on the lookout for in your own relationship. Hopefully you don't find anything of the sort, but now you know what to look out for.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: talking about my new girl... (she gets jealous haha!)
9 Reasons Your Partner Is So Jealous — And What You Can Do To Change It
I really like to talk, laugh, and maintain a fun environment for everybody around me. But she really doesn't like it when I laugh with other women.
In respect, I like to avoid talking with other girls or women, just to not make her sad or mad at me. She doesn't talk with any other guys either, in respect for me.
But things get serious when she gets upset even if I talk about anything with my family aunts and cousins. I have to force myself to be serious and show that I do not want to talk to them because otherwise she gets very angry and we start to argue. I have never given her any reason to distrust me, since I am very transparent in what I do, in what I feel, and in what I think, and I let her have access to everything in my life.
She does the same too. We think that if there is nothing to hide there is nothing to worry about. I can't go to take a ride on my motorcycle without telling her all the time where I am. If I stay about 1 or a half hour without sending any feedback, she get's very angry. She does the same if she goes to any place: She sends me photos and always tells where she is and with whom.
There's an important point: I'm the first boyfriend of her life. I don't know if this has an influence on something. This behavior should be a big, Big , BIG warning sign for you.
Whether she simply likes to be in control, has insecurities due to bad previous experiences with other partners, etc. It is not at all acceptable that you should be reporting on your every coming and going. It is also completely unacceptable that she would give you any sort of attitude when you're simply speaking to other women especially female relatives - that is incredibly alarming.
You may think that acquiescing to her requests is simply keeping the peace, and will help to build trust, but in my own experience, if you give in in these situations, her behavior will likely only escalate. How long before she demands access to text messages, chats, or emails? Where would you draw the line when you've previously only ever given in to her demands?
The second you refuse her it will constitute - in her eyes - proof of something nefarious, and she will double down on her efforts likely starting a fight. Instead, have a very honest conversation with her. Here are the rules of the conversation, as it were:. I'd like for us to have the sort of relationship where either of us can broach a topic, and expect the other to honestly, and calmly listen.
Neither of us is perfect; there are bound to be other difficult conversation in our future, and I'd like to know that we can get through them like adults. I'd like to take this up again when you've calmed down, and I hope that you'll be a little more willing to engage with me.
Now that we've established that, bring up everything that's been troubling you. Don't accuse her of anything. Simply be factual:. I understand that you were cheated on in the past, but I am not the person who did that to you, and I would like to not be treated as if I were. Here's an analogy for you: would it be OK for her to hit you simply because she's upset or angry?
What about the other way around? Not cool, right? Using our feelings as an excuse for poor behavior is OK when you're 7, but unacceptable as an adult.
It doesn't fly in a court of law, and it shouldn't fly in a relationship. But what it all really comes down to is what are you willing to do in order to enforce these boundaries in your relationship? And that's the rub. If she gets very upset and gives you grief because you didn't "check in" while you were out one evening, trying to appease her would send the wrong message.
Instead, you should tell her that she has no reason to be upset, and let her come out of her funk on her own. This will likely lead to accusations of you not caring about her, the relationship, or her feelings to which you should calmly reply:. On the contrary, I care about you, and our relationship very much. I want it to be based on a foundation of mutual respect, honesty and trust, and I'm afraid that you're not behaving as if you trust me at all.
If you want us to last, you have to stop trying to control me, or shame me into feeling guilty because I don't do exactly as you please. That is dishonest and manipulative. This will likely be a long and arduous journey, and will involve not one, but likely many heated conversations or full out fights. If your relationship survives these, then it will be much stronger and healthier for it.
However, if she continues to try and exert dominance over you in this manner, you would be much, much better off finding someone else.
As a woman, I can tell you that this behavior is very alarming and not normal. Your GF has some major issues to work out and is very insecure with herself.
She is also manipulating you into getting her way by saying things like "how would you like it if i was flirting with another guy That isn't what you are doing. You are talking to friends and family. I would advise her that she needs to work on her issues with a therapist or that the relationship is pretty much doomed. This isn't a problem you can fix! She probably has no business dating anyone, unless they are also very insecure and willing to put up with that silliness.
Sorry you are in that position! I also agree with the poster who mentioned she might be cheating. People who are cheaters are often very suspicious of their partners doing the same thing. But it sounds more likely to me that she was probably cheated on in the past or just had a number of other things happen to get to this place of being very insecure. Being insecure isn't a dealbreaker, we all have some of this. But jealousy and manipulation to that extent definitely are!
But I'm seeing a lot of hostility towards jealousy in the thread, but jealousy is a completely natural emotion. In her case it's very strong obviously, but what that means is that she needs to learn to manage her jealousy, and she might actually need some help. Her behavior looks to me inadvertent and non-malicious, but more one of a lack of maturity on the topic. Now that you've set the boundaries, you can choose your role in her self-help process.
One way is to remain on the sideline and leave her on her own to figure it out, and just continue doing what you're doing.
That's the easier way for you. The other way, is to have compassion, and realize that she needs some help.
If you are willing to spend the time and energy for it, then you can assist her by searching into the matter, finding books regarding how to manage your jealousy , seeking professional help like therapy videos and sessions, and guiding her to get through these professional sources.
Judging from you saying that you really like her a lot, I think you might side with the second way. The first step is for her to acknowledge the problem at hand - e. If she's in denial, then you need to first get her to acknowledge it by using examples of her past behavior, until she realizes something's "off". Honey, I'm noticing that you have very strong reactions when I'm with other girls, I feel like I'm suffocating sometimes, but I know that deep down inside you trust my judgement and I trust yours.
I think it's normal to feel jealousy, but in your case I think you're feeling a little bit too much of it. Would you like to work together to find a solution and learn to manage your jealousy? Step 2 - She agrees to it, now it's time to help her equip herself with tools to manage her jealousy. You're not a psychologist, and you must understand that you might not be the best person to assist her. However, as her boyfriend, you can definitely help her seek some professional help, therapy, books she can read on that subject, videos.
There are tons of respectable videos by professionals where the subject is discussed, with exercises, perspective, solutions, ideas. So without being a psychologist yourself, you can still assist her in helping her to equip herself with tools to manage her jealousy.
A good practice is to have follow up meetings, and discuss progress. What happened the previous week, month? Does she feels better and more in control? Do you feel better? Are things getting better overall? Take some notes of what you guys discussed. And re-read them next time to see the progression, as being under the influence of emotions can distort things a lot.
Emotions are a fact of life and can't be ignored, but we can learn to manage them through therapy and life perspective. You're not a professional therapist, but you can take on the role of her guide to try and help her learn to manage her own jealousy, so it doesn't annoy you in the future.
She will respect you for the rest of her life for having spent the time to help her understand and manage her jealousy. Some elements of your situation remind me of Dr.
11 Signs Your Partner Has Unhealthy Jealousy
Coping with a jealous girlfriend can be difficult. You may feel you're being unfairly scrutinized at all times. Work on reassuring your girlfriend in the moment by listening to her feelings and talking them over with her. From there, consider her perspective. There may be reasons she's more prone to jealousy.
No matter how much you trust someone, you can still get jealous, especially if you care and love that person. Moreover, this urges them to do some sketchy and weird things that they are not aware of because they are essentially powerless to stop themselves. If you want to know what those things are, here are fifteen things girls do when they are jealous. Usually, whenever a girl is in the midst of jealousy, you will get unbelievable answers to your simple questions.
15 Weird Things Girls Do when They get Jealous
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Jealousy can rip apart a relationship, slowly but surely obliterating everything good about everything and leaving you feeling pretty awful. I spoke with nine relationship experts, and they all conveyed a sense of positivity about the whole thing, reminding us that it is possible to find real change within a relationship, as long as both parties are really serious about figuring out what to do. Many experts cited insecurity as a sure-fire cause of jealousy, and gently shared some great methods to open up with your partner and figure out how to take their jealousy down a notch or five. Toney tells Bustle.
Signs Your Girlfriend Is Too Jealous
.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How To Stop Being Jealous In A Relationship - You'll Be Surprised
11 Ways to Deal with a Jealous Girlfriend