Boyfriend is jealous of my daughter
When you're a parent and start a new relationship , it can be very difficult when your partner is jealous of your child. They may resent the fact that someone else has a claim on your time and affection. But is it ever understandable, or does it indicate that the relationship is doomed? Here are some tips for when your partner is jealous of your child …. When your partner is jealous of your child, one thing is clear: your child should always come first.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Jealous & Overprotective Boyfriend - TikTok Compilation
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: SL #73: "My Mother Is Jealous Of My Relationship"Content:
- “I’m Jealous of my Fiancé’s Daughter!”
- Toxic People Affect Kids Too: Know the Signs and How to Explore a Little Deeper
- My daughter’s boyfriend is very jealous and possessive — how can we tell her we hate him?
- 7 Tips for when Your Partner is Jealous of Your Child ...
- Parent Support
- Why kids don’t always come first when dating as a single parent
- My husband resents my bond with our daughters
“I’m Jealous of my Fiancé’s Daughter!”
After five years in a relationship with a woman who was very special to me, I had to end it. She just wasn't into my kids. Today, it is not uncommon for couples with children to break up. This means that it's becoming more and more common for people with kids to start dating again. This is a very tricky thing indeed. Your new partner might be a very good match for you, but how do you know whether or not your children will get along with him or her, and how do you know that your new partner will accept your kids?
It is crucial to consider your values about family: parenting, step-parenting, child rearing, including if and how you may be triangulated between your partner and your child. Sometimes, togetherness just won't happen, and you'll have to choose between your partner and your children. That was the situation I was in.
I hope that you will protect your children and show your new partner the door if needed. But where do you draw the line? I want to share my experiences with you. After five years in a relationship with a woman that was very special to me, I had to end it.
It broke my heart because I still loved her, but I knew I had to draw the line. Starting from the very first moment, the communication between my new girlfriend and my children was very difficult.
At first I didn't think much of it, but in retrospect, I should have. In my case it seemed reasonable since I'm Belgian my mother tongue is Dutch and my girlfriend was Croatian. Since my children don't speak English yet , I didn't think much of the fact that she didn't talk directly to them. I began to become worried when she learned to speak Dutch perfectly after a few months of intense courses she is a polyglot and has a thing for languages but still didn't communicate with the kids.
She'd use me as a channel to talk to them. Moreover, it was always something negative. I felt really bad about this. Although it was perfectly okay that she wanted the children to be disciplined as a divorced dad I was typically a bit too lenient , I also felt that it was not right that there were never any positive messages for the children.
At one point I wanted to break up with her, but she was desperate to keep the relationship going. Since I didn't want to lose her either, I told her that we could continue the relationship under certain conditions. I said I couldn't put up with so many negative emotions if there was not a real positive bond underneath it all.
She promised she would initiate some communication with the kids, but she never did. After five years I had to make the terrible decision to break up with the woman I was still very much attracted to. I just wished I had done it a lot sooner. To be fair, my girlfriend did give some nice clothes to my children, and they were very happy with them. But when she suggested that they should have a TV and a computer in their room, I didn't have to think twice about what the message was: stay in your room.
The sad thing is that I went along with the idea to avoid conflict. When the children were watching a program when she felt like watching something, she'd get very irritated, and it was also difficult when one of the kids was on the computer when she wanted to be online. Of course, she never told them directly to get lost. Most times she didn't even tell me, but she surely made it felt that she was annoyed.
For a while, I thought it would be a good idea that my children would have their own internet and TV in their room to avoid complications. Looking back, this line of thinking was screwed up. I hoped for so long that we'd all just be able to relax and watch TV together. We tried once or twice, but it was forced.
We never succeeded in having nice evenings together as a family. In the end, my children got used to leaving the computer and the TV when she came home and going to their room. This was a sign I should have paid attention to: They no longer felt welcome in the public areas of our home when my girlfriend was there.
But it was not only them evading her. She tried to be home as little as possible when they were around. I know it took a lot of effort to plan stuff to escape seeing them. We all don't have enough free time, and we all cherish our leisure time, and yes, it's a good idea to spend time with your partner without the children. My girlfriend loved to go places, and when she first came to live in Belgium, we made a trip almost every weekend to somewhere new. We only went a few times to places together with the children.
And every time it was a disaster. Once we went to Bruges to meet my brother and his new girlfriend. Since this was a family thing she felt she couldn't refuse having the children with us on a trip.
But when I asked the children if they would like to take a small boat trip on the 'reien' canals , my girlfriend thought it was a stupid idea, something for mindless tourists. Since I felt I already made a promise to the children, I went ahead with the idea anyway. She turned cold and went her own way. The day was spoiled. The point here is that she couldn't have it that we would do things especially for the children. On another occasion we went to a theme park. The children loved it and my girlfriend actually tried to enjoy herself, but when she noticed that I wanted to do some attractions with my kids that she didn't like, she became very upset.
The bottom line was, again, that she found it very hard to cope with the fact that sometimes I wanted to give precedence to the wishes of my children. I would like to think that an adult I'm in love with would be too grown-up to compete with children, but sadly, that is exactly what happened between my girlfriend and my kids. Often I felt as if I was put in a position to judge who was good and who was bad.
Not a good thing! If your partner is not mature enough to deal with situations that he or she doesn't like, quarrels about stupid little things, and then asks you to decide who is right, then they're probably not mature enough to be with your children. That is not to say that your partner should just accept all the tricks the kids play, but they should realize that it is a better strategy to be on the same level with you instead of picking a fight with your child.
As adults, you should form a separate subsystem in the family and be 'above' the children. If not, if your partner puts him or herself in the child's position, then you are alone as the parent. It is also a big problem when your partner and your children are competing for your attention. It is normal that there is a tension between the needs of your children and the needs of your partner, but it should not be played out in front of the children.
Both your partner and your children should know when they can lay claim on you! Jealous reactions of your partner with your children should be a no-go! First of all: if you broke up with the mother or father of your children, there is a good chance that, at least partially, you had different ideas about how to raise kids. When you break up, it's very tempting to throw out all the rules you disagreed on. Later on, though, you might find out that your ex had a point.
Second, breaking up is very hard. When you find yourself without the intimacy you had with your ex-partner, it can be tempting to look for closeness with your children.
There is nothing wrong with that in itself, as long as it doesn't stop you from being a parent and imposing rules! Now when a new partner arrives on the scene, it can be quite a shock that he or she thinks that you are being too soft on the children and expects them to shape up.
Your new partner probably has a point. But if your work and accommodations are never good enough for your new partner, if the kids can never do things well enough, that might be a sign that your partner doesn't really want to accept the children at all. This is what I learned the hard way in my relationship.
When the children were joyful, she thought they were too loud. When they were playing, she urged me to ask them to go and play outside. There were always new rules and when the children and me!
My girlfriend also insisted that the children didn't make any effort, which was clearly not the case. In the end, I insisted that the rules should be written down, so we could check if they all had been followed on a certain day.
But this also didn't work. She also stressed that her rules were 'natural,' that any normal child would follow those rules without effort. In short: it was impossible to live up to her expectations. Moreover, she was never very irritated when I broke her rules, but when the children did something wrong, she would become mad or even vile.
Many times, I found myself in the position that I had to protect the children from her temper. Maybe you've been postponing the introduction of your new partner to your children. The question is: do you have good reason to believe you should? In my case, for various reasons, I was forced to immediately introduce my new girlfriend to my children.
Looking back, I should never have taken this risk. I think it's far better to take it slowly and pay attention to what happens at each stage. After each small step, talk to both your partner and your kids to find out how it's going.
Talk about the difficult moments afterwards, both with your children and your new partner. If it is all happy happy joy joy, you're probably safe. Take the time to see the red flags before the disaster.
Toxic People Affect Kids Too: Know the Signs and How to Explore a Little Deeper
Enjoying your new role as teacher?! I totally agree. Couldn't have put it better myself xxx. Get rid of him. In my eyes there's no debate, no question.
As a BetterHelp affiliate, I may receive compensation from BetterHelp or other sources if you purchase products or services through the links provided on this page. I meet most men that I date online. What do you look for when dating a man with kids? You also want women to know you're a devoted dad it's no secret chicks get hot for guys who are great with kids!
My daughter’s boyfriend is very jealous and possessive — how can we tell her we hate him?
A family member confided in me the other day that she is having some problems with her Swiss 'boyfriend' Everything adds up to jealousy I think, though in the back of my head I find it hard to understand why a partner would be jealous of their partners children, but then, I suppose, it must be something to do with me being a decent guy? Firstly, it's the way he addresses them with out using their names, acting like a very stern father when he isn't even the father. He also is rude to their boyfriends, won't allow them in his car as he says they make it dirty these are two fashionable teenagers who don't even like mud on their shoes. She is caring, like most teenagers they do take the mick a bit but he refuses to allow her to do things like pick them up in her car from the bus station, buy them things, etc. Funnily enough he gets on OK with her ex-husband but to be honest he's a bit of a wimp. I have advised her that she should get rid of him although it may be complicated with the house when she asked me what she should do.
7 Tips for when Your Partner is Jealous of Your Child ...
Feelings of loss, anger and confusion are common among children whose parents have separated or divorced. Children who have lost parents through death have similar feelings. When a parent begins dating, these negative feelings can be intensified for the child. Dating is a huge step for single parents—and their children.
My daughter says he is just shy but my husband and I think it is simply bad manners. We are both We are unhappy about the relationship.
Kids are often jealous of their parent's friends, dates, and lovers. It's important for them to see that their parent has friends. If a child is expressing jealousy, take a walk in his shoes.
My husband feels that our two daughters, aged eight and three, are neglecting him and he resents me because they want to spend all their time with me and we enjoy a very close and cuddly relationship. He works long hours and often comes home long after they have gone to bed but is often around to help in the mornings and at weekends. He asks and longs for hugs but rarely gets them. I encourage them to spend time together without me and last year I even went away by myself for a week he took a week off work and left them to it. He reported that they did spend time hugging him in my absence.
Why kids don’t always come first when dating as a single parent
They can lead to anxiety, depression, physical illnesses and feelings of isolation. Children can end up blaming themselves and feeling guilt or shame. In fact, it will do damage. We all have an inner voice. When an adult is toxic, the risk is that the inner voice of the child will pick it up and make the words their own. Children are born awesome.
When you met your partner and fell in love you probably dreamed and eventually planned out a life together. For many this plan included the possibility of children. Fast-forward to having one or more children and all is perfect, right? Maybe not.
My husband resents my bond with our daughters
Before you make any wedding plans, you need to live with this new idea of your marriage — one that now includes a four year-old — and see how it sits with you. This is the time to test the waters. The jealousy you feel is natural and human, but you need to push it to the side and try to embrace this child.