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They have a skewed conception of Western life. They believe that everyone in the West, especially America, should look like a Movie Star. They are critical of what you wear. They work hard to make ends meet just like in Zambia.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Best Celebrity Zambian Wedding(Emmanuel +Bertha)
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WHEN Chuma Chiyenda called for the introduction of a marriage registration waiting list for single Zambian women in all provinces, many tongues were set wagging.
That was in when Chiyenda in his Times of Zambia letter to the editor, suggested that because most women found it hard to meet eligible men to marry them, they needed to register their names at every district administration centre.
In his argument, this would help men to know exactly the women who were ready and available for marriage in each district.
While some people thought it to be a silly idea, the rationale behind Chiyenda's opinion was that every woman had the right to marry. And it was felt that the current traditional system where women are required to wait for men to approach them, was not fair as it does not give women a chance to fully market themselves.
According to him, women who patronised bars and night clubs were not all prostitutes but did so because that was the only way of marketing themselves to men. He said a marriage registration list would help a lot of unmarried women fully market themselves for marriage while prospective men would find available women easily.
The idea might have seemed absurd and untraditional at the time. But Zambians have now heeded to Chiyenda's advice except that instead of using a marriage register, they are actually using a computer. For many Zambians today, especially women and men who cannot summon up enough courage to share their true feelings for a woman, a marriage partner is just a click of the mouse away. Recently, there was commotion at one of the local Internet cafe in town when an elderly man demanded that the young woman seated next to him stop using the computer.
Asked to explain his outburst, the elderly man said the young woman had been having an intimate conversation with a white man on the internet. And because the young lady was using a web-cam to chat, the man not only got a glimpse of the man she was having the conversation with but was disgusted when he noticed that the man was actually naked.
The woman in her early 20s defended herself by saying the man on the computer screen was her fiance who intended to come to Zambia to marry her. For her, there was nothing wrong with having an intimate chat with such a man. While this embarrassing situation could have been unheard of five or 10 years ago, it has become a common sight for internet cafe goers. There are currently thousands of dating and marriage web sites on the internet that promise perfect spouses for people who subscribe to their sites.
While some sites charge for the services offered others like www. Afrointroductions and other marriage sites services include pen-pals, marriage partners, flirting companions and phone sex partners. Also designed are Christian sites that promise to link up those with religious background and values.
Locals have also realised how lucrative internet dating has become, with a membership fee of K50, Lusakafriendfinders, guarantees one to be connected to a would-be husband or wife within 48 hours. The site says it has plenty and very serious singles and lonely people to match up with whoever and wherever one may be. At the click of a mouse one can read the many profiles of Zambian women and men looking for marriages spread on many sites.
And as per advice from web-designers, profiles are accompanied with recent pictures for quick response from interested parties. Among the many questions answered in the profiles include hobbies, education background, occupation, whether or not they would be willing to relocate and probably the most important question, a brief description of the type of person they are searching for. Take for instance a profile of a Zambian window from Livingstone found at afrointroductions site which reads, I am looking for that old-fashioned courtship and romance with a good clean guy who loves life and enjoys a good time.
He should have a great sense of humour. Colour or race is not important. Age between There have been reports of some men and women having visited and married some Zambians but no one is yet to admit they met on the Internet. One might ask, what would make a person go as far as advertising themselves on the internet to attract someone of the opposite sex? Are there no men or women in Zambia interested in marriage?
Or is this just an attempt to catch the eye of a foreigner who to an average Zambian guarantees a better life? I am not a child anymore and don't need to consult anyone on matters of the heart, on the internet I can meet several people at the same time and make a choice on who I connect with the most without being used or taken advantage of," said Sandra. She says Zambian people were hypocrites who had let the same thing happen through Philip Chirwa's column which matches couples.
Sandra said the only difference between the column and the internet was that most of the people on the sites ended up marrying foreigners which was why there was a lot of talk on the subject of internet dating and marriages. She said Zambian people especially men disliked the idea of a Zambian woman marrying a foreigner especially white men, saying it was high time that they accepted the fact that times had changed and women were capable of finding men who treated them better.
Asked on why she thought foreigners would treat her better, Sandra replied that despite what people thought Internet dating was the easiest way to learn about someone as the person on either end had no reason to lie.
Sandra said every person who fell in love and got married risked their future security to some degree as it was not possible to tell what kind of a person somebody would become in future.
Haven't we seen people change in marriage, husbands beating their wives and being unfaithful, it happens in Zambia why not anywhere else? She argued that it was unfair for people to be judgmental when people were in love, making it hard for the couples who met on the Internet to be open about their relationship without fear of being judged. He called the sites unChristian, claiming that the sites were created by people who wanted to sway Christians into believing that such an act was Godly.
Bishop Mususu said any Christian who intended to find a marriage partner needed to go about it the right way which could be done through prayer. He said in a Christian's life there were certain benchmarks that needed to be followed before one ventured into marriage. Bishop Mususu said before considering marriage couples needed to be conversant with each other's character, followed by getting advice from church elders or pastors on whether the person they were considering to marry was right for them or not.
He bemoaned the lack of moral values that had hit the Zambian society, he said the traditional values that guided people years ago no longer existed in the country as the Western culture had taken over.
Tragically, young people are beaten, raped, and even murdered. It adds that in Internet dating, people are easily deceived as some often switch sexes, Income levels, race, criminal records, mental health histories and marital status often remain secret long into relationships. And year-old Caroline Chimwemwe said many women with profiles on the internet were not looking for love but were after a comfortable life that white men could offer. She said instead of working hard to earn a living, many women were spending large sums of money chatting and sending e-mails to men worldwide in the hope that one will marry them.
Am 27 years old and single if a man comes along good for me, if not it's okay too," said Caroline. She said it was disgusting that some women had gone as far as linking themselves to men who preferred to have phone sex as opposed to discussing real issues that affect two people in normal relationships.
These men are arrested in their own countries but we are condoning it in Zambia. Just what is happening to this country? She said despite pornography being banned in Zambia, it had found it's way into the country through computers where Government had little control.
As one sets on a mission to find a marriage partner, let one thing linger in their minds. Some people are called to be married and will get married eventually and there are those who are called to do other things in life. Examples of such men and women include those of Mother Theresa and the Pope John Paul who solely dedicated their lives to spreading the word of God and fighting for the rights of the poor. One author said it best Life does not cease to exist when you don't walk down the isle, when a man or woman does not come your way just remember that God has a different purpose for your life.
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Ladies should marry men that are committed
Ladies need to know that what a man wants from you all depends on where he is at in life. Is he ready for marriage or fun? If a man pursues a woman when he is not ready for marriage, he will simply use you and move on to the next one. It is only men that are ready for a commitment that take relationships seriously. When he is ready, you might not be the right person for him.
Your elegance catches his attention, but your intelligence convinces him you are the right one and makes him want to stay with you, nagging obviously irritates a man. Men naturally do not like to be abused, whether verbally or physically. Men appreciate women who are respectful. Do not rudely speak back at your man and be humble. Always remember that the immature character in your man comes out occasionally, but your ability to always handle such situations shows that you are mature and can be wife.
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Signs that a woman is ready for marriage
WHEN Chuma Chiyenda called for the introduction of a marriage registration waiting list for single Zambian women in all provinces, many tongues were set wagging. That was in when Chiyenda in his Times of Zambia letter to the editor, suggested that because most women found it hard to meet eligible men to marry them, they needed to register their names at every district administration centre. In his argument, this would help men to know exactly the women who were ready and available for marriage in each district. While some people thought it to be a silly idea, the rationale behind Chiyenda's opinion was that every woman had the right to marry. And it was felt that the current traditional system where women are required to wait for men to approach them, was not fair as it does not give women a chance to fully market themselves.
A Foreigners Guide to Dating a Zambian Woman